Well, it is enough to make a grown woman want to cry when blog posts disappear! Well thought out words written with loving emotion... All well...
As an amateur, I’m bound to make mistakes, I'll take it as a lesson learned, write in a word document, save, then copy, and paste to your blogging platform. I won’t be the first person and not the last person. Call it the challenges of writing on the fly.
Now where was I...? Ah yes! As I was saying, the bells and whistles went off on my phone, watch, and iPad this morning reminding me of an appointment. It feels like it’s Christmas at Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.
My promised Goal from #31daystosuckless, did not eventuate. Yet. There was still time I thought to myself. This is a typical response to my neurodivergent mind. There is still plennnnty of time. It’s a lie I tell myself several times a month.
I’m still recovering from a misunderstanding from yesterday. My undiagnosed RSD (actually there’s no diagnosis available for it) plays heavy on my heart and mind. I wiped the tears of misunderstanding and grief from my face, looked out my window grateful to see the sunrise. I got myself dressed. The last gulps of my coffee while I tackled at least one of my three goals. The 3 – A4 pages of long hand journaling.
The words fell out of my mind and on to the page the scattered petals of a wilting flower. Each one sweetly but with sorrow. I would make it through the day, and I would find joy in it while navigating my differences with other humans when I’m also just trying to be me.
I’ve found most of my life, as a little girl, spent trying to be the one people expect me to be. It’s a motto I’ve tried to live by as I’ve gotten older.
No expectations of self or others.
I feel fear, as though my loved ones will think it’s like a lack of love for them. For me, it is the opposite. It is loving them so much I’m willing to let them be themselves, no matter how challenging it maybe for me at time. I want them to live their best lives. I want them to love who they are.
My alarms went off again reminding me again that it was time to leave. The full task of the 3 – A4 pages of long hand journaling uncompleted, I will have to return to it or beg its pardon and move on with my day. Julia Cameron might be disappointed. Ping! Ping!! Ping, ping! All the bells and whistles go, and they are just for me. I’m again reluctant to leave my sacred space but grateful to go to an environment of another creative and be in her joyful space to be nurtured and made more beautiful.
Back at home, another yoga session completed. A walk was not in the cards for me today. I needed the safe space of my room. I am lucky enough to have a room of my own. It’s not something that everyone has the pleasure to have. So, I am grateful. Thanks Virginia Woolf.
I welcome the yoga movements Kassandra has on offer today.
Since having Sacrospinous Fixation surgery and a plethora of other procedures done on that day, I have become stiffer than ever in my life. My illiotibal band particularly. The yoga practice is good.
Another image of my attempt to achieve #31DaystoSuckLess. I look forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring.
Love,
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