Have you ever experienced the feeling of your brain being on fire and your emotional heart being crushed due to a perceived rejection? It may seem strange, but for individuals with Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD) or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, this intense physical and emotional response is a reality. Whether it's being left out of a dinner with friends or facing disagreement on a social media post, the impact can be profound, leaving individuals emotionally vulnerable and in need of self-soothing.
As someone who has dealt with undiagnosed Rejection Sensitivity, I understand the struggle of trying to dismiss these feelings as irrational and "getting over it." The truth is, getting over it is not always possible. It often requires hours, weeks, or even months of self-therapy and sometimes seeking professional help when the situation feels overwhelming and difficult to navigate alone. The pain experienced in these moments can be as deep and real as when the rejection occurred, and it's not a part of ourselves that we necessarily embrace. However, accepting all aspects of ourselves is essential because it allows us to move forward and find healing.
What is Rejection Dysphoria Sensitivity?
While rejection sensitivity and RSD are not the same, the former can lead to the latter. Although RSD is not an official diagnosis, it is a syndrome characterised by severe emotional pain triggered by the perception of interpersonal rejection or criticism. While there isn't an abundance of research on rejection dysphoria and the brain, studies indicate that individuals with ADHD, like myself, may process stimuli in a way that leads to overreacting to perceived rejection. The nervous system unconsciously responds with avoidance and a fight-or-flight response, resulting in heightened emotional pain that surpasses even physical pain.
In an article by Stephanie Camilleri, titled "The ADHD Advocate," RSD is described as "one of the most crippling aspects of ADHD, particularly in the workplace." Dr. William Dodson, who developed the concept of RSD, and Dr. Hallowell further explain it as a painful syndrome of acute and profound dejection triggered by even the slightest perceived insult or "dis." RSD is prevalent among individuals with ADHD.
Ok, So What Do I Do About It?
If you're wondering what steps you can take to address RSD, it's important to acknowledge that it doesn't simply vanish or go away. It becomes a part of our lives that we must learn to live with. Personally, this realization led me to adjust my life in ways I may not have initially desired. For instance, I had always aspired to be an executive assistant or office manager, helping others and seeking approval. However, I shifted my focus to pleasing the people closest to me—my children, my spouse, and ultimately myself. As time went on, my priorities evolved even further as my children grew up and became independent individuals.
To navigate RSD, I've learned to recognize and acknowledge my emotions, allowing myself to grieve the loss and then strive to move forward. It's normal for friendships and work relationships to change over time, and I had to accept that not every person I encounter will be a lifelong friend. And that's perfectly okay—after all, everything has its season.
I've also made adjustments to avoid situations that would put me under excessive scrutiny or overwhelm me, such as volunteering for massive projects. Instead, I started focusing on self-care, spending more time alone and getting to know and appreciate myself. I've stopped burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle, realising that my selfless acts could never be enough for others; it was simply a manifestation of my people-pleasing tendencies.
Additionally, I've incorporated various therapies into my life, including talk therapy, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Medications are also an option for those considering them. Furthermore, sharing my story with others has become a powerful tool for me. While I may face rejection in this space as well, I have more control over my narrative compared to working in a large corporate or government environment.
It's important to note that RSD can affect anyone, not just individuals with ADHD. If you're concerned about yourself or a loved one, I encourage you to read the suggested articles for further information and consider reaching out to your local GP or doctor to discuss your concerns.
Above all, remember to keep moving forward. Don't give up on yourself or life. There are ways to navigate rejection sensitivity and RSD, and healing and growth are possible. Remember, you have the strength to overcome the challenges you face.
Here are a few articles that might provide additional insights:
Keep believing in yourself and the journey ahead.
Love,
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