I'm Feeling Claustrophobic and Reason To Celebrate

There's nothing particularly wrong. Or maybe I just can't put my finger on it but I'm feeling claustrophobic.

I think I always feel a little this way when it comes time to travel a distance way from home. While I enjoy going to places, meeting new people and seeing new things. I am all too comfortable at home.

There' s also a cyclone looming off the coast of Australia. It's probably absolutely nothing to worry about but I'm realistic. There's always the first time one comes in land over the GBR. There's really nothing more I can do about that other than be prepared. My anxiety and hyper fixation would like me to believe I can do ALL THE THINGS to make anything bad like this go way. My children live on the coast not far from the GBR and so I'm left perplexed. Will they do enough, are their homes strong enough. All I can do is surrender and hope that they remember past discussion of safety and well being in the cyclone season.

Anyone else who experience catastoihpsing symptoms knows what my brain has already done in regard to my home, my husband, my children, my state and in some small degree myself.

The children's homes have already collapsed, their pets are gone, their belongs are gone, their cars...all gone. The SES is out looking for them because in my brain the cyclone has taken my children (they are all adults by the way) and they are now lost at sea. My worst living nightmare. Universe help me if it ever happens.

I can't begin to tell you the trauma that creates for myself in my own mind. These are the things that my 3AM wake up mind start to think about. It is impossible for me to stop the wheels once it starts. I quite frankly feel as though it's taking years off my life to worry about things like this Where I know realistically it will probably never happen (and what could I do if it did). And so it's me, a cup of decaf coffee and endless episodes of some dodge sitcom from the 90's and early 00's "Hello, Raymond...." to get my mind off of that and on to something else.

It's a suffocating feeling.

But there has been progress.

For me a reason to celebrate! Sort of...

I may have mentioned in a previous post that I was going to see a psychiatrist. I'm seeking a diagnosis for ADHD.

It's taken me 3 referral letters to get myself to a psychiatrist (It's a long story) but I'm finally there AND I have an appointment!

Watch this space.